The Synchronous Converter

Office theme parties should be a time to wind down and enjoy the people you work with. A time to eat good food, vent about work and get rid of stress that builds over time. Naturally, everyone in the office should be invited so invitations can easily be sent over e-mail or posted on an office bulletin board.

The reason for the party could be to celebrate the success of a big project or completed goal. Even if the party is for no “official” reason, it is an excellent chance to boost moral with special recognition and pats-on-the-back.

If there is a budget for this type of function in your office, have the event catered. A party supply store will have all of the plates, cups, napkins and other paper products you need, as well as any decorations if needed.

Creating a lasting memory from the party will help carry the positive energy into the future. Say, for example, you brought someone in to draw simple caricatures of guests. Guests, being the employees, would turn around and hang these in their workspace. For an indefinite time into the future these simple pictures will be seen, talked and laughed about. It is a small way of getting people to bond and creating a good work environment.

You could also have some type of auction or even bingo game to give away prizes. Real prizes such as gift certificates are a great suggestion. Other ideas could be coupons for a bonus fifteen minute break, ticket for someone else to bring back lunch, or whatever other fun things you can come up with.

Party favors like personalized pens could prove truly useful. A good pen is handy to anyone and serves as another method of reminding people of a good time. Whatever ideas you do decide to go with, just remember to keep it fun and easy- a party shouldn’t seem like work.

Mrs. Party… Gail Leino is the internet’s leading authority on selecting the best possible party supplies, using proper etiquette and manners while also teaching organizational skills and fun facts. The Party Supplies Hut has Office Party Supplies, ideas, pinatas, games, costumes, decorations, and activities.

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The September 1, 2005 issue of Biological Psychiatry confirmed the efficacy and safety of vagus nerve stimulation for chronic or recurrent treatment-resistant depression. The U.S. Food and Drug Administration issued its final approval of vagus nerve stimulation as a treatment for depression.

The data from the pivotal clinical trial of vagus nerve stimulation and depression was been on published September 1st, in the prestigious peer-reviewed journal of Biological Psychiatry. There were three articles published in Biological Psychiatryabout VNS Therapy and depression. The articles confirm the association of VNS Therapy with significant antidepressant benefits that are sustained and/or growing over one year for patients with chronic or recurrent treatment-resistant depression. Secondly, the long-term safety of the procedure was confirmed.

“The response and remission and sustained long-term benefits realized by the patients treated with adjunctive VNS Therapy is remarkable, given that participants in the trials were some of the most treatment-resistant, depressed patients ever studied, with at least half having been hospitalized for the disease at least once,” commented Dr. A. John Rush, MD, Professor and Vice Chairman for Research, Department of Psychiatry, Betty Jo Hay Chair in Mental Health, Rosewood Corporation Chair in Biomedical Science, University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center, Dallas, TX. “The VNS studies presented in these publications provide substantial evidence of a growing benefit of VNS Therapy over time when other treatments have not worked or have stopped working. This is particularly encouraging given the nature of treatment-resistant depression, a devastating and difficult to treat condition.”

The publication of these articles is very important to you because third party payers (private insurance companies, Medicare, etc.) will help facilitate the approval of reimbursement of VNS Therapy for depression. Although reimbursement decisions will continue to be on a case-by-case basis, this is a critical next step which will be viewed very positively by insurance companies, Medicare as well as your psychiatrist.

You can learn more about this remarkable treatment at http://www.VagusNerveStimulator.com There is a free newsletter to keep you up-to-date on the latest developments on this first ever FDA approved long term treatment option for chronic or recurrent depression.

Charles Donovan was a study study subject in the FDA investigational trial of vagus nerve stimulation and chronic depression. He is the author of:

Out of the Black Hole: The Patient’s Guide to Vagus Nerve Stimulation and Depression and founder of the http://wwww.VagusNerveStimulator.com Web site - which is available on Amazon.com, 1-888-VAGUS-88 and at http://www.vagusnervestimulator.com/book/

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You probably know about the extraordinary effectiveness of Life Coaching in helping clients who are past the need for therapy but still need support, productive insights and brainstorming such a relationship generates. Regular life coaching helps functional–often very highly functional–clients to go further, faster and work smarter, not harder in completion of desired goals. Coaching as a profession views the client as a complete person, not in need of fixing, and in possession of all the resources they will ever need to solve their own problems. But there comes a time even in highly functional client’s lives when all the talking in the world doesn’t help bust through a blockage or conquer an irrational fear.

These are often simple impasses - a man can’t ask for a raise because he fears rejection, a woman has difficulty finishing her doctoral thesis because she thinks she’s not smart enough (even though she is). Or a service professional finds they are living on past glories and can’t seem to generate new sales or clients. These difficulties can all be dealt with elegantly and in most cases, swiftly, with Energy Coaching.

Dr. John Hartung’s presentation on the use of Energy Therapies in Coaching at the Association of Comprehensive Energy Psychology’s 2005 annual conference, showed that “coaching with an energy advantage” is a burgeoning movement with a fanatic following of both clients and coaches. Why? In Energy Coaching, we extend a client’s resources by empowering them to use Emotional Freedom Technique, ZPoint Process, Tapas Acupressure Technique, Be Set Free Fast and Energy Kinesiology methods as stress and blockages manifest in their everyday lives.

Half of these methods involve manual tapping and warming of acupressure points, and the others use the power of the mind and energy of thought to dissolve personal blockages. Just as the physical body is run on weak electromagnetic current, so our thoughts are also made of energy, and as such, can be retooled to transform our lives.

Clients using these techniques love how fast they are able to eliminate personal stoppers, even on the fly. They also enjoy continued quantum leaps in personal development that pick up where therapy leaves off and go much, much further. Armed with these tools and the coach’s eagle eye perspective, client success is much more readily ensured.

One benefit and natural outgrowth of Energy Coaching is resolution of the Coach’s own issues, with subsequent expansion of personal resources, awareness, life balance, abundance and spirit. Energy Coaches model success by maintaining their own energy hygiene on a daily basis, using a set of simple but powerful routines that they share with clients, family and friends. And like all therapists and coaches, Energy Coaches work with their own issues on an ongoing basis. Energy modification techniques are used by the Coach as well as the client when blockages arise–both inside and outside of the coaching session.

As a helping discipline, Energy Coaching has an experimental spirit, welcomes failure as valuable feedback, and honors that the knowledge gained from “learning another way not to do it correctly” can be the key to future success. Energy Coaches as a body of professionals have a mission to broadly teach energy modification methods to promote worldwide wellness. Psychotherapists, social workers, medical personnel, hypnotherapists, body workers and other human service professionals can easily segue into Energy Coaching as a complementary practice to the services they already offer clients.

Energy Coaching offers an advanced toolset and broader range of services for clients who have reached high levels of functioning. If the thought of working with well-functioning, highly-motivated clients energizes you, and you like the idea of having tools to get your own issues continually dealt with, Energy Coaching might just be YOUR next “quantum leap.”

Want to learn more about Energy Coaching? The Certified Energy Coach Program teaches sessions in February and September, and offers a a free Startup Kit including the entire first week of class audios and workbook, here: http://certifiedenergycoac h.org. Want to learn more about the Energy techniques you can use in your own life? For a free Energy techniques CD, visit here: http://certif iedenergycoach.org/demo_cd.html.

You can also be first to know about free monthly Energy coaching telegatherings where all participants get their issues moved, in our newsletter packed with self-coaching energy tips and up to date research, here: http://quantumflow .com/thecatalyst.html

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“Thus it is not the will of your Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish” (Matthew 18:14 NAS).

During World War II Dr. Leslie D. Weatherhead gave five talks on the will of God to his City Temple congregation in England. Fortunately for the rest of the world, they were published. Every time I hear “It’s God’s will,” I think of this remarkable little book and how it clarified God’s will for me.

Dr. Weatherhead separated God’s will into three parts: 1) Intentional; 2) Circumstantial, and 3) Ultimate (ICU).

1. God’s INTENTIONAL WILL is for our good. This is Adam and Eve in the Garden. When God created Adam and Eve, it was His intention that they live forever and be happy. But they sinned and were expelled from Paradise.

2. His CIRCUMSTANTIAL WILL is because of the circumstances in our lives. It is within this will that we find God’s permissive will. This is Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. This is Job 42:2: “I know (faith) that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted.”; It is the all of Romans 8:28, that glorious rod and staff of the grieving: “We know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” I know (wisdom) I can (possibility) do (accomplishment) all things whatsoever He asks!

3. His ULTIMATE WILL is for His glory and our good. This is Christ’s resurrection and our resurrection. It is us all in the New Earth.

The wonderful revelation as I read this book is that God’s intentional will finally becomes His ultimate will, even as we go through the circumstances of our life. Dr. Weatherhead gives the example of the young man in London whose intention was to be an architect but, because the war changed his circumstances, he joined the Army. At the time this was the honorable course. The young man could not control the evil circumstances of Hitler and his desire to conquer the world, but he could control his reaction to them.

As I read the book I was comforted in the fact that nothing falls outside the circle of Divine Providence:

1) the knowledge of God embraces it;
2) His power is sovereign over it;
3) His mercy holds it creatively.

The key here is God’s goodness. The parent does not will evil for his or her child; neither would a perfect God will evil for His children. At the time Dr. Weatherhead gave his talks, the people in England needed desperately to know that there was a living and loving God in spite of the horror going on.

We need to understand God’s will and its components before we tell the person prostrate with grief that “It’s God’s will.” As I read this incredible treatise, I viewed us as being in God’s ICU unit and God taking care of us as only He can do, no matter what our circumstances.

Thank You, Father, for being our Physician in Your ICU unit!

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While pocket pets can provide comfort, if you have the space and time for it, a dog or cat is most likely a better pet. These are pets who can actually learn and will grow more accustomed to you. Since they live longer, they will probably make better pets as well; you will not find them needing replacement as often.

Dogs and cats can often become members of the family and that is a very good thing in this case. Having an animal that looks forward to you coming home, as a dog will can be very rewarding. Cats, unless they are particularly moody, will also be happy to see you when you come home (unless they are asleep). Kittens, along with most dogs, are particularly playful. They will be very happy to respond if you offer a game to play together, and will sometimes even approach you offering to play a game.

It is, however, important that you remember that while you can talk to your pets, they cannot replace human companionship. They don’t talk back. You can tell your dog or cat about your day or tell it how you are feeling but it won’t be able to offer any words of advice. It won’t be able to tell you that everything will be better, but it might lick your face. Sometimes, that is all that you need.

Learn to alleviate your depression at http://www.curemydepression.com

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Can you re-start your life?

“There is no real way to deal with everything you lose.”
Joan Didion, from an interview in the San Francisco Chronicle, January 6, 2004.

What do we lose? Though I did not notice it at the time, when I graduated from school I experienced a major loss - I lost my role of being a student and became a worker. Later in my life, I lost my wife to a sudden illness. This took place four years ago and is still vividly remembered.

In what ways is Didion’s statement both true and not true? While we easily deal with some losses, others are much more difficult. Some losses may take years to heal and others may never seem to be resolved. Take the loss of my role as student. I hardly noticed this happening and I did deal with it because it was a change I wanted. Does it still affect me? Yes, when I think back to my school days I remember the feeling of having unlimited time to pursue my interests. The only pressure was to complete assignments and study for tests; not to earn a living. It might be nice to go back to that role; however it was a necessary loss and a necessary next step in my life.

Consider next the loss of my wife. Married just days short of 35 years and suddenly she is gone. Is there a real way to deal with such a loss? If dealing means to forget; then no, there is no real way. If it means moving beyond this loss; then yes there are ways to do this.

Yet for some it is not a single loss, but rather a lifetime of losses. Building up, taking a toll on your ability to move through each day. Is there a way to deal with life-long loss? I think so.

There are ways to re-start your life. I say re-start because sometimes when we lose a loved one it is as if our life also stops. Besides death, other losses such as divorce, rejection and separation are also deeply felt. And beyond these, there are many other types of loss, all capable of stopping us from living fully.

What are the areas of loss?
Here are some examples of loss. It is not a complete list; we can all add to it from personal experience.

People: We can lose a relationship in many ways. As mentioned above it is not only death that ends a relationship. The loss may be of your spouse or partner, a child or parent, a long time friend. It may be a single loss or the build up of losses over time.

Place: You may have become attached to a place and then for some reason, you are gone from that place of comfort - of home. You may have moved many times as a child, or as an adult. Or you may have never felt at home in your setting and longed for your own place.

Things & Roles: Possessions handed down to us. Things treasured for the memories they hold; things we associate with people we love. I would include here roles and jobs because they are part of us and when we lose them it can be a deeply felt loss.

Self: To lose your way. This may be a very profound feeling of having no purpose. Or it may be a nagging feeling that you missed something; some turn in the road that would have led to happiness. We also lose our self in a direct way as we age. And for some we lose aspects of ourselves prematurely to disease.

How are we affected?
Who decides what a loss is and how deeply it is felt? It is up to each of us. You determine what the loss is and what it means to you.

I see four principle ways or areas of impact. These are some symptoms or indicators that we are experiencing loss.

Physically:Our body suffers. We neglect our self; we care less about and for our physical well-being. Disease and age also produce loss within and upon our bodies.

Emotionally: We may withdraw from others; not wanting to feel too much. We may lash out. Our emotions can be profoundly affected by loss.

Mentally:We may dampen down our thoughts. We may deaden our mind and avoid thinking or remembering in any number of ways. Our thoughts may turn negative, always seeing more loss in the future.

Spiritually: There may be a drawing away from beliefs long held; with a feeling that no comfort can ever come again from rituals and beliefs. There may also be a desire to find a new belief, one that takes the place of the old or fills this hole inside.

Will everyone respond the same way to loss? No, however most of us will respond in some negative or self defeating way for some period of time. If this is true, then what can any of us do to stop or minimize this?

New tactics
How do you make a shift to heal from loss? How can you re-start your life? Here are a few suggestions.

1) Take time to look closely at your situation. Assess your response to the particular loss. What are you feeling right now as you consider this? What are you doing differently now or not doing? If you are looking at life-long loss; then try to look at how this has affected your actions and thinking.

2) Take time to think about how you would want your life to be different. Changes you want to see in the future. What would a re-started life look like? Make a list. Be specific. Do it now.

3) Find a way to talk with and learn from others. Look for groups. Start your own group.

What if there are real ways to deal with everything we lose?
Would you want to miss the opportunity?

© Fritz M. Brunner, Ph.D. 2005

Fritz M. Brunner, Ph.D. is a coach and consultant engaged in working with people wanting to excel in life and business. He also leads tele-groups focused on loss. Please visit his web site at http://www.fmbrunner.com or contact him at fritz@fmbrunner.com

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NLP has been called the study of subjective experience. Its central contention is that people operate from and respond to their “construction” of their experiences rather than from a single external “reality”. They have their own unique models or maps of the world and each one is different from every other. All such “maps” are valid whilst no map is fully able to represent the “territory” or external reality itself.

NLP has a theoretical basis the core of which is that it is a way of thinking about people which has proved practical and effective in a wide range of applications, contexts and situations. It is not held to be “true”, but it is taken as a useful model. The model itself is organic and changes as new applications are explored. It is broadly based and draws on concepts from many areas of psychology and psychotherapy.
Early influences stem from the Gestalt “school”, the family therapy of Virginia Satire, Ericksonian brief therapy, and humanistic psychology. There are also clear links with the fields of systems theory, behavioural psychology and linguistics, especially the works of Bateson, Watzlawick, Korzybsky and Chomsky.

NLP addresses the issues of creating expectations which cannot sensibly be realised. To do this there is a great deal of emphasis placed on the concept of “ecology” in the personal and corporate change work in NLP. The changes sought must be fully representative of the whole person or system, and not just a part that may be fanciful {albeit also creative} or careless of the potential adverse consequences of change.

The NLP approach is “reflexive” in that therapists seek to make their own psychological processes explicit and to understand these in terms of the theoretical model on which their therapeutic approach is based. The essential remedial and generative model for change is NLP.
In NLP it is stated that PRESENT STATE + RESOURCES = DESIRED STATE. Where the resources are “enabling states” drawn from client’s own experience.

The NLP psychotherapist and counsellor seeks to help the client to identify the desired state and then achieve it using his or her own internal resources. This can involve the client in changing limiting beliefs, acquiring new beliefs, and / or gaining insights into patterns of behaviour, thereby enabling more choices.
Whilst the client’s personal history is taken as relevant to his or her present state, the emphasis is on how he or she constructs that state from experiences past and present rather than on why. In general this is taken to be a process of “deletion” in which some experiences are ignored, “generalisation” in which universal rules are inferred from individual sets of experiences, and “distortion” in which connections are made between experiences, the intensity or quality of which may be heightened or diminished by internal processing.
“Experiences” are highly varied but they can finally be described in terms of past and present sensory inputs modified by deletion, generalisation and distortion. That is to say, that at any one time, an individual has access to external sensory inputs through the visual, auditory, kinaesthetic, abstract, gustatory and olfactory channels and to internal constructions {memories, with or without deletion and distortion, and synthesised fantasies} which can be described in terms of the same basic five senses. The particular “construction” actually experienced depends on the extent of distortion and deletion in each of the ten categories {five internal and five external}.

The “meaning” ascribed to the experience depends on the extent of generalisation or distortion applied to it. Change takes place in the present and is experienced in the future. Understanding the “past” as a means to achieve change, is in effect understanding the present construction of the past.
Cybernetics and systems theory provide a metaphor for the NLP model of personality. It is seen as being one where the person is driven by cognitive patterns of experience rather than by cause and effect chains.
NLP psychotherapy is typically brief compared with some other types of psychotherapy. Furthermore because NLP is generative as well as remedial, work with an NLP therapist or counsellor can move on from dealing with past limitations to future performance in order to achieve personal and professional goals.

James Angove has an interesting and varied professional background in the field of corporate multi-nationals. Twenty years ago he embarked upon a change of direction and began training as a therapist.
He is a Certified Master Practitioner, and Trainer of the Art of Neuro Linguistic Programming. He is experienced in the use of Bio energetics, Reflexology, Ericksonian Hypnosis and Psychotherapy. He combines the experience of both fields of business, and therapy to bring a new and pervasive perspective to finding solutions and enhancing trainings. His website is Therapist Online.

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In today’s business environment, we rely more and more on technology to communicate with one another. Our ability to communicate has been greatly enhanced, and our choices for communication media are ever expanding. From cellular telephones, to Email, fax machines to Palm Pilots, communication devices are linked to the way we do business now more than ever before. This new technology has had many positive benefits for the business world. Unfortunately, since the range of options has expanded at such a quick rate, many people seem to be unaware of how best to use the devices they now have. It is essential to develop an awareness of how technology should best be used to avoid negative outcomes for employees and the workplace in general.

In the last two decades, communications technology in the United States has developed at an extremely rapid rate. Twenty years ago, people did not even know what “Email” was. Now, phrases like “IM me” or “Google it” are commonplace, household terms that seem inseparable from our personal or business lives. But most people don’t know how to properly use these new advances. Take Email for example, misuse of this medium has led to the demise of executives such as Credit Suisse First Boston tech banker Frank Quattrone, Merrill Lynch & Co. analyst Henry M. Blodgett, as well as senior executives from Enron.

The problem with some individuals is that they don’t realize that electronic communications can be and often are permanent. Even text messages can be stored and retrieved by the server processing them. But for most people, it’s not a matter of not realizing that sensitive, potentially career ruining information should not be sent willy-nilly, it’s just that they don’t know how to use electronic communication in a polite way. Just because we have these devices, does not grant us license to substitute rudeness for manners. There is a new code of electronic manners in using telephones, PDAs, laptop computers, faxes, and so on.

Here are 8 guidelines for communicating in an effective, respectful manner:

1. Don’t use your cell phone at inappropriate times, in inappropriate places, or in an inappropriate way. This invades others’ privacy and disrupts their ability to concentrate.

2. Don’t encroach on others’ personal space when using your laptop computer. There are appropriate times/places to connect and use your laptop and there are times when it is not appropriate.

3. Turn off your beeper and/or cell phone whenever you are in a situation where it could be distracting.

4. Don’t send lengthy faxes unless you first call the individual or business to ensure that it’s a good time

5. Only use the speaker phone when necessary, and always make sure the person you are talking to does not mind.

6. Never send e-mail that contains inappropriate or sensitive material (as some executives have learned the hard way).

7. Consider calling a person who you usually communicate with by e-mail from time to time to establish a more personal contact.

8. Avoid calling, paging, or faxing people at home or after hours, unless it is vital that you do so.

In today’s business world, we use technology to communicate with one another like never before. Communication has been greatly enhanced, and so have our options of how and when to communicate. This new technology has primarily been a good thing for the business world. However, many people seem unaware of how best to communicate in this modern age. Active awareness and following some type of guide to communication etiquette is essential for all people in today’s business world.

Justin Elza is the owner of J. Allan Writing and Design Studios, a full-service creative firm that helps clients save time and money while developing consistency in all their written, visual, and web-based marketing communications. From business cards to billboards, memos to manuscripts, J. Allan Studios is your creative, professional partner!

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Every business has to consider its health and safety problems, and introduce measures to control the risks. Health and safety at work is about reducing those common small injuries and accidents that are so disruptive, as well as preventing the rarer major accidents that can be disastrous. The majority of businesses have premises; getting the safety of your premises right is a good place to start. And here is a productivity bonus: research shows that productivity increases when conditions in workplaces are improved!

Do not forget neighbours, visitors, tenants and contractors when you plan the safety of your premises. Here are eight questions to ask yourself, and some of the answers.

Are you premises in good repair? Take good look around or detail someone to do it. Many defects can be spotted during a simple walk-through. Look out for broken glass, splintered wood, uneven floors and broken stairs. Have your electrics checked by a competent electrician. But even untrained people can spot frayed cables and overloaded sockets.

Are floors clean and clear? Slips and trips are responsible for around 30% of all workplace accidents. If you use powered tools or office equipment, provide sockets close to the work so that there are no trailing cables. Provide enough storage space to prevent work areas becoming congested. Have spillage procedures that ensure spills are cleared up immediately. If you have wet processes, provide drainage. Remove waste regularly so that it does not build up. Do not forget about outdoor surfaces in wet or freezing conditions.

Is maintenance work done safely? Building maintenance is done outside the normal work routine and can easily be forgotten. Think about cleaning work, including window- cleaning, cleaning near machinery and cleaning of high ledges. Protect workers during machinery maintenance with adequate lock-off procedures, electrical safety and removal of hazardous substances.

Are pedestrians protected from traffic? Traffic in the workplace comes in many forms, from small fork-lift trucks to large earth-moving equipment. Keep pedestrians and vehicles separate as far as possible. Use physical barriers if you can, but certainly mark out routes. Use vehicle one-way systems and restrict the areas where reversing and manoeuvring are allowed. Provide windows in doors and mirrors on blind corners.

Is lighting correct in all areas? Dark areas indoors and out can hide hazards and cause accidents. Make sure you plan for all seasons. Avoid drivers and other workers having to move from very brightly lit areas to darker areas and vice versa- it takes the eyes a while to adjust. Make sure that lighting does not produce glare, either directly or off shiny surfaces.

Are you fire precautions adequate? You will need advice on fire precautions. You will have to consider: the flammability of your buildings, materials and waste; sources of ignition, such as naked flames or electrical sparks; fire-retarding doors and partitions; fire extinguishers and hoses; fire alarms and alerting the emergency services; escape routes and evacuation procedures.

Can workers access all areas safely? There should be enough space for workers to move safely around equipment and activities. Think about workers who have to access high parts of the building. Is there safe access and edge protection? Are there fragile roofs that should be avoided? Are there any confined spaces - that is, cellars, inspection pits, storage tanks and the like, that could contain hazardous atmospheres?

Is there asbestos on your premises? You should know if there are any asbestos-containing materials, where they are and the condition they are in. Asbestos that is in good condition and is unlikely to be damaged is not a risk. But when asbestos material is disturbed, fibres are released into the air and these are a risk. Workers most at risk are electricians, plumbers, carpenters or any other building worker who may disturb asbestos in the course of their jobs.

Copyright Niall Evans 2006 All Rights Reserved Worldwide

Niall Evans is a full-time Occupational Safety and Health professional.


Our site at http://www.clickforhealthandsafety.com/ has information, articles and news on all Occupational Safety and Health topics. To pick just two example more or less at random, try:

Active Safety Management
Dealing With Workplace Stress

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We all know that there is a distinct difference between the way men and women communicate in business. But what about woman to woman communication? Who talks about the way women deal with each other in their communications? It’s not all that pretty and proper like some would have you believe.

I’m always astounded when I read a feel good article that talks about women dealing with other women. You know all about the mysterious women who have never had a problem, exchanged a cross word or damaged a relationship. Where do these women live? In La La Land.

I have worked almost exclusively with women for 10 years and have encountered almost every conceivable behavior both good and bad. I am bombarded with calls and emails every day that run the gamut. The repeating links that stand out are the lack of professionalism, support and empathy that is evoked from women.

The simple truth is that women’s dealing with other women is a very complex connection. Many factors influence our communication style some of which have been inbred from when we were small children. We can’t change those influences now but we can pattern ourselves to think before we speak and work within the boundaries of shared experiences.

Think of your communication in terms of the roles you play in your relationships: businesswoman, confidant, wife, mother, friend, sister, boss, associate, colleague and so on. Each character requires a different persona and different style of communication. Be prepared to support that part in your communication style. Speaking gives you more ways to legitimize your communication context. If you are verbally communicating face to face, body language, inflection, eye contact and (most important) overall appearance can sway the recipient before you even open your mouth.

Let’s start by talking about how women communicate. In our time crunched, stressed-out over-committed lives we rarely communicate in a proactive way. When we reach out to other women, it’s usually because we need something (not because we are staying in touch). Establishing a bond before you actually need something will greatly increase your chance of positive communication. One method I find highly successful is staying in touch through a weekly ezine that I write and distribute. The ezine includes helpful tips and information. When I send it, I’m not asking for anything. I’m working toward building a rapport and establishing a familiarity. The truth is that this will be to my benefit at the time when I might need assistance. Whether the recipient reads my column or not, they get a weekly communiqué that builds brand awareness of who I am and what I stand for. One sure way to build an affiliation that is not based on need is to send a person a note commenting on a job well done, an award, a promotion or other newsworthy event in their life. People love to be flattered and even the most hardened profession likes to be told she is making a difference.

Along the same lines of selfish communication comes from women who want to do business with you. In my case, it’s women who want to do business with me expect me to do all the work. They go to my website and find out all about me and become a star catcher. Well, this is annoying to me. The fact is that when doing business you have to be prepared to hold up your end. Get to the point immediately. Tell the receiver who you are and what you can do for them - not what you expect them to do for you. Keep your communication benefits driven. Don’t go in blind. The entire time you are communicating with someone in business, they are thinking WIIFM (what’s in it for me).

On this front, a reactive common communication issue is our response when we hear from someone out of the blue who wants a favor. We know that they came out of no where and want something, but will never return the favor. Forget all that hocus pocus about good deeds being returned. The plain and simple truth is that it doesn’t work and that serves to build hidden resentment. If someone asks a favor and you expect it to be returned, then communicate the trade up front. Call it reciprocity or whatever you like. Just make sure the person understands the handshaking going into the bargain.

Email communication is doubly hard because we all carry the baggage of preconceived notions about a person’s message. This is the case even when we have never met them! We are judged by the written language used to communicate. Spend time carefully crafting your written communications. Would you be offended if some one wrote the same thing to you? Is there something you would read into the message? We have become notoriously lax in business etiquette in our email correspondence because it’s so easy to use. Before you hit that send button, think about what you are writing and how you are communicating it.

One of the most common written communication errors is to either misspell or get someone’s name wrong. For example, we may use Katherine instead of Catherine or Kathleen instead of Caitlyn. For some unknown reason women freak out over this misstep. Some of the nastiest messages I ever received resulted from making this type of simple error. If this happens to you, apologize and move on. If this mistake has soured the relationship, accept that nothing will salvage it.

What about our covert communication techniques? During my sales days in calling on women in a decision making role, I constantly ran into a brick wall with the gate keeper. Have you encountered this gate keeper? It is like Cerberus guarding the inner sanctum. How frustrating is that when you know you have something of value to offer? Seriously, we have all had the experience of trying to soothe or nurture that bull dog guarding their master. And worst of all is the abrupt, abrasive, antagonistic women that let’s our male counterpart waltz though the door.

How do you overcome the sentinel posted between you and your mark? Simply put, you have to cultivate the gatekeeper before you can engage in any meaningful dialogue. Why is this person so suspicious and wary of your intentions anyway? It is important to remember she is protecting her turf. Her role is to keep out unwanted persons from making it to the next level. Why does she consider you unworthy? She considers you insignificant; after all you are just another woman. How could you possible be anyone of import?

Let’s explore this mindset. Have you ever found yourself in a predominately male crowd with a few women sprinkled throughout? Did you find yourself gravitating toward the men and ignoring the women? I have done that. Why with my vast experience am I engaging in this behavior? I’ve been conditioned. We all have! With so few business women in the male dominated business environment, I am forced to make snap decisions about the women in the room. Why are they there? Are they any help? What is their purpose? Given that they are a woman too; can they be of any significance? Did I scrutinize their appearance? You bet. I checked her out down to the last detail. Interesting analysis, huh? That’s what the gate keeper is thinking about you!

One unfortunate communication characteristic most of us have encountered from another woman is the one who delivers as the ugly green-eyed monster: jealously. Consciously or unconsciously we evaluate and compare our successes or failures with others in our circle of acquaintances or even high profile women whole accomplishments we can never hope to replicate. Making these assessments puts a slant on our communication style. If someone is more successful r has a higher profile, we automatically assume the worst. Our suspicious minds want to know how she got there. We think she must be sleeping with the boss, have the goods on someone in the company or is the “token” women (not to worry you are not alone men have these same thoughts too). Get over yourself! She won!! Maybe you can’t control the emotion but you can keep from interjecting the thoughts into the tenor of your conversation. Think before you speak. Dispel any preconceived notions about the person you are speaking to which might distort the message you are conveying. Engage some benign small talk while you marshal your thoughts. Put yourselves on equal footing. It’s an old saying, but it resounds with truth: She puts her pants on one leg at a time just like you do.

Moving on, what about the convenient non-communicator? Have you ever had an associate who worked her way to the top of the company only to disassociate herself with those at a lower level? I know such a person. She went so far as to say to me, “I don’t have time to associate with any one not at my level on the food chain.” I’ve known this person a long time and until this she was just a regular “gal.” This phenomenon is much more prevalent than you think. Psychologists named it “drawbridge syndrome.” You bring up the bridge behind you as you cross it and advance up the corporate ladder. Don’t let this happen to you. Remember where you came from. Be true to yourself and those who support you. Treat all women with equal respect no matter how high you climb on the ladder to success.

A glaring problem with women’s communication is that on the receiving end, we take everything personally. Whether it’s an unfavorable reply, a statement about a situation, or an issue to be resolved many women take it as a personal affront. Wrong! What is happening is business. It may be good business practice and has nothing to do with you personally.

Here are some successful methods to open a door for a long-lived relationship.

• Get a referral from someone who already knows you or is working with the person you are trying to foster. Communication by word of mouth is a strong influencing factor among women. A referral gives you instant credibility.

• Ask for assistance or help with a project. Depending upon the type of appeal you make will influence your success rate. Make your request short and sweet with clear cut benefits to them with solid results. “You will get X for your help.”

• Use humor. It lightens the moment and softens the situation. This works well when you have committed a faux pas.

• Make a clever, interesting, or powerful statement. Remember women are busy and multitasking. Capture their attention with an important message.

• When you receive or experience an unsavory communiqué, let it rest before you respond. Women are notorious to come back with clever repartee.

On occasion, even the great communicator still won’t get it with another woman. I recently sent a message to my readers that was quite funny. 95% of the people thought it so and replied with that thought in mind. The other 5% let me know that they thought the message abrasive, arrogant and condescending. The fact is that you are never going to please ever woman you interact with. There are some women you will never “connect with” despite your best effort. My advice? Move on to the next relationship and put the unsuccessful one on the back burner. Don’t destroy it with a nasty, condescending (responsive) rebuttal.

Above all think before you communicate with another woman. Run the sound byte through your head before you open your mouth. How does it sound to you? Would you be offended or antagonized if someone said the same to you? Is your connection on a deeper level? Do you clearly state a benefit? Remember it’s not always what you communicate, but the method and manner in which you communicate it.

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